Recently I have felt motivated to share a little more than just small tidbits here and there- a month here.. a month there.
I have been on a journey of self discovery the last 3 years. Unpacking who you really are, verses who you force yourself to be because of other peoples expectations is not something that happens over night. It's not something you even realize you are doing until you are in the middle of it!
I am so thankful for the journey to where I am now. I have hid this journey, not because I am ashamed of it, but because I have feared other peoples opinions about what I was doing. I had to get past that. I answer to God first and foremost, and my husband, and in reality those are the only two opinions I should really care about.
No one really understands this place in which I live- the dynamic that I am in and creating in our family environment, but yet for so many years of my life I allowed all those things to be dictated to me by expectations of others that I couldn't sustain.
In reality, I was living a life that wasn't really mine. It wasn't authentic. It wasn't anything but a sham of desire of acceptance. Having had a turn in our personal lives in the last three years has given space to take a breath. To look deeply into myself and ask the hard questions. It forced me to answer those questions. Who am I? Who is God in my life? Does my life look the way it is supposed to look? Does my circle of people reflect a circle that is accepting of our journey and free of judgement and criticism? Am I reacting in a healthy way to that criticism? Is that criticism coming from a healthy place?
Y'all.
I am glad I am on the other side of that.
I read a book about a year or so ago (I can't remember when I read it) by Rachel Hollis. Because I had a spirit of discernment, and I was pretty well read in the word, I will be honest and say, there were some things I did not agree with. However, I will tell you I was fairly surprised (but shouldn't have been in all honesty, I know) by the backlash from the Christian community. They hated it. They hated her. And I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Most everything in that book screamed at me about places where I needed improvement in my life- to be a better Christian, Wife, Mother and Friend. Were there some things in there I didn't agree with? Sure!! But in reality- I got some life changing information.
And so began my journey.
Rachel Hollis unapologetically shows that she is an imperfect human. But she also shows that she is a person reaching for more, and understands that her creator designed her to be a better version of herself every day.
I watched her be torn apart by the the Christian community for believing that her community shouldn't be an island surrounded by people who look, think, behave and act just like you. She dared to say that your community has to be diverse. GASP! I believe in order to be a city on hill, there has to be a valley around you that needs to see you.
Our Christian walk cannot be envisioned as perfect- people don't want perfect. They want real. And that is my pursuit. Every day. To be real. To be honest. To love people. To help them find hope in a very hopeless world these days.
So, if you made it all the way here.... I have been participating in the Hollis Co (Rachel and Dave Hollis' company) Next 90 Days Challenge. And now that we are halfway-ish through that 12 weeks, I wanted to give you an update via video on what that journey has looked like for me. If you are interested, here you go. If not, that's okay too!!
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